Promise.

“I hate you Dad!”

My daughter’s words echoed in my ears even as I tried to concentrate on the project report I was reviewing.

It is truly difficult not to think about it. I know that my daughter loves me a lot. But I am worried of this increasingly wide gap between us.

I finished the report, called in Srinivasan, our senior manager-operations, suggested a couple of changes and asked him to mail it to me later in the evening.

My daughter is upset as I cannot attend her violin concert the day after tomorrow. I have to fly to Chennai for submission of the project report. And I cannot reschedule the submission. 

I did promise her that I would attend her concert a couple of months back, but I never knew that it would clash with the annual conference of my company. I offered to buy her the best violin available in the market, but she slammed the door of her room in my face.

Being the Health Benefits Chairperson of a popular MNC is not an easy job. My job is 24x7, just like the doctors and paramedics we recruit for our Occupational Health Centers (OHCs). We are also responsible to ensure proper treatment of medical emergencies that our employees may have. It is a stressful job, but it pays well.

I sunk back into the comfort of the back seat of my car, and asked my driver to take me home.

"Traffic in this area has come to a standstill Sir. The Chief Minister is inaugurating a new MNC nearby. It will take at least an hour before we can leave" he said. I cursed my luck and was looking around, when I noticed Srinivasan struggling to drag his bike out of mud beside the parking lot. I got down to help him and noticed that he was really anxious.

"Thank you Sir" Srinivasan said in a low tone. I had never seen him without a smile. Srinivasan was an ex-serviceman, and must have been about 10 years older than me.

After the bike was on concrete, I asked him “You don’t seem fine Mr Srinivasan, What’s troubling you?”

“I have to get home Sir. But because of these stupid politicians I have to wait for one more hour.”

I was taken aback by his words. Srinivasan is one of our oldest and most trusted employees. Not once in the past seven years have I seen him so disturbed. Not even when his job was in doubt during the recession.

“Coffee?” I asked.

“Sure Sir” he replied, locking his bike.

We sat down at the coffee shop in our premises and ordered coffee. “So, why you have to get home early?” I asked.

“My Son is giving his exams Sir. He is currently pursuing his engineering. I have to help him prepare for his last exam tomorrow.”

I never thought Mr Srinivasan’s son would be old enough to pursue engineering. But that was not what I was thinking back then. Srinivasan was a Post graduate in Biological sciences. 

“So, you teach him his subjects?” I asked, unable to control my curiosity.

"No Sir... My son was affected with polio, when I was posted in Arunachal Pradesh in the army. He cannot walk on his own. I help him exercise his legs and upper body, so as to help him use his wheel chair and crutches effectively, without requiring the help of others."  He replied with moistened eyes.

"When he was first diagnosed, he was about 4 years of age, and I promised myself I would never let him feel different than others. I took voluntary retirement from military service and started working with a MNC as an accountant. Studied at home and completed my MBA from open university and joined our company."

This was something I never expected. The guy who always had a smile on his face, even in times of severe office stress, had been in such emotional turmoil at home.

"I always stood by my son, in whatever he did. Never let him think that he was not capable of anything he wanted to do. I refused promotions, so that I could have more time to spend with my son."

"My son plays the guitar very well, and is performing at his school alumnus meet on Wednesday. That is exactly why I excused myself from the annual conference this year. I also met your daughter while attending my son's rehearsals at his school. You are lucky to have such a charming and talented girl. Apparently, they know each other since his school years. "

" Oh. Is it? I really didn't know that. Can I ask you something, if you don't mind?" I asked, still uncertain whether I should ask him what I wanted to.

"Please do" he replied with his trademarked smile, as though he knew what I was about to ask.

"Wouldn't you have been financially better off to care for your son, if you considered the promotion?" I asked, adjusting myself to the edge of my seat and ignoring the coffee that had been served.

"There were a few instances when I thought about it Sir. Money is important, but still is just a small part of Life. It is trivial when compared to a lot of things in life. I promised my son I would be there. And a promise is a promise."

The conversation ended abruptly when He glanced at his watch and excused himself.

I must have sat there for an hour after he left. The conversation made me brood on how easy it was to be happy. He was right. Money is just a small part of life. 

I opened up my laptop, rescheduled my tickets to Chennai, so that I could leave tomorrow, return on Wednesday for the concert and return back to the conference on Thursday morning. I would have to face a couple of words from my CEO. But, for my daughter, I'd do it happily any day.

I kept all this a secret from my daughter, and surprised her a couple of hours before her concert. Her performance was amazing. She looked less like a girl with a violin and more like Goddess Saraswathi with a Veena. Mr Srinivasan's son too performed very well, making his dad very proud.

My daughter accompanied me to the airport the next day morning, and while resting her head on my shoulder in the car, she asked me "Why?"

"Because a Promise is a Promise" I replied.

Before I switched off my mobile on the flight, I got a text message from my girl.. it said;

"I Love you a lot dad! Really a lot!"

కొఱగానివి పెమ్మయ సింగ ధీమణీ.

I was searching for these poems from jakkanna's pemmaiyya singha dheemani satakamu since a longtime...
got these two with the help of my dad and the internet.
if you know someone who might have access to more of these, kindly leave a comment here or email me on abhishekmalyala@gmail.com
i will be really grateful to anyone who can help me here.


వాసన లేని పువ్వు, బుధ వర్గము లేని పురంబు,
భక్తి విస్వాసము లేని భార్య, గుణవంతుడు గాని కుమారుడున్,
సదాభ్యాసము లేని విద్య, పరిహాసము లేని వాచ్య ప్రసంగముల్,
గ్రాసము లేని కొలువు, కొఱగానివి పెమ్మయ సింగ ధీమణీ.

గారెలు లేని విందు , సహకారము లేని వనంబు ,
తొలుత ఓంకారము లేని మంత్రము , అధికారము లేని ప్రతిజ్ఞ ,
వాక్చమత్కారము లేని తెల్వి, గుణకారము లేనటువంటి లెక్క,
వాసము లేని ఇల్లు , కొఱగానివి పెమ్మయ సింగ ధీమణీ.

credits to : http://prasadchitta.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/

The Cycle.

A doctor's night duty is usually 24-36 hrs or more. So, coffee is an essential part of my diet. I was having my regular coffee after my night duty at this small shop beside the Hospital, when I noticed a guy speeding past the shop on his bike.

The bike screeched to a halt a few feet from me. The Guy got down, bought cigarettes, lit one and vanished on his bike. The only thing I could notice was the ID tag of a software corporate he had around the neck of the blue tee shirt he was wearing. The corporate was housed in a huge SEZ a few km from my hospital.

It could've been the tee shirt or the stress from last night's duty at the hospital, I recalled my days after my tenth class.
"Don't be a Fool, Abho. You are talented, but engineering will propel you into a financially satisfying life. Medicine will stress you out. You will have to learn for thrice the number of years as that in engineering, and then work for much less salaries until you gain experience. Think properly before you decide." said my Grandpa, gifting me a blue tee shirt for topping my school in ICSE exams.

It was when i had spilled my coffee over my new white shirt and stethoscope, that I came back from my day-dreaming. (Apparently, hot coffee and introspection don't go really well together!)

How I wish I had listened to his words.

My life is full of stress. 
Stress about duties in the hospital, stress about the health of my patients, stress about the hundreds of obligatory calls to "come , see" a patient known to my relatives (though the guy is receiving proper treatment from elsewhere), stress from lack of time for personal interests, stress about my bulging tummy (read "Fat"!)...
The list never ends....

-----


I should've avoided that stop at the tea stall! Should've refrained from having one more cigarette. All I have been having since the last two days is tea and cigarettes!!!

I hate this job! The onsite co-ordinator is an idiot. He makes all these last minute changes in the requirements. I still have three store procedures that are not running and I have a critical deployment in six hours. The last thing I need right now is my team lead to tell me that I reek of tobacco.

I sometimes think of running away from this Life. It was the same in all the three software companies I've worked at. At first, we are told that the job profile is great, with a lot of opportunity to learn. 
In reality, we get to know later that that was an implication of things to come.(Imagine having to learn Visual Basic 6.0 in three days, when the major part of your work is based on C#.NET!)
And these software "Giants" are Masters of Disguise! All our stress is masked by a hoard of so-called recreational activities including Annual day, Family day, Ethnic wear day, Team Lunch, Potluck lunch, blah blah blah.
The gym may be useful, but I fail to understand the purpose of having a Fake tattoo artist or Tarot card reader in the office campus on Friday evenings!!!

I have to get down to the "Smoking Zone" and have a quick puff before my team lead logs in.

Was puffing off myself to death when I heard some one tap me on the shoulder and say "Excuse me boss! can I have a light?" in a heavy american accent. I looked at a guy in a tee and baggy jeans, and noticed his "pink" tag while I lent him my lighter.

"Pink" tags or "Pinkies" as we call them, refer to the Call center employees of our company , which is located in the east block of our premises. They have separate cafeterias, work space, and even parking space. The only thing we share in common is the time we spend here in these smoke zones. They earn almost as much as we do, and all they have to do is to speak to people on phone in those fake accents and tell the customer how to switch their laptops off!!

I would've happily switched places with one of those pinkies. All I ever wanted to be was a developer.... and now all I want to be is to be anything but a developer.

-----

That Software guy in the blue tee shirt was looking weirdly at me. Maybe, I should try harder to refrain myself from using my work-accent.
"Bhai, Whats the use of a cigarette, without Chai?" said my team mate Pramod. "Sure", I replied hopping on to my bike to drive to the nearest tea stall."
The Tea stall is a place that holds a lot of nostalgia for me. Not surprising though, having spent more than half of my life in one. My dad owned a tea stall right in the center of our village.
"Chotu! Do Allam Chai, ek mein sugar jyada!" I shouted to the tea stall owner, while I gave way to some guy who seemed to have spilled tea over his white Shirt.
I envied Chotu. He comes in the morning, sells chai for a few hours, has lunch, has a happy nap and comes back to open the shop again in the afternoon. No season affects his business, and he seems content with the work he does.
My dad was a happy soul. He always had a smile on his face, no matter how dull business was.

While for me, contentment has always been elusive. I was not suited to receive Formal education, nothing in it seemed to interest me at all. But I was quick to learn a lot of stuff that I thought was practically useful in life. I learnt driving, Swimming, and half a dozen languages including French and German. I had a good life, if you considered money as the only scale to rate life. I had my own bike, was saving enough to buy my own apartment soon. What else could a "tea stall" owners's son ask for?

A lot.

My work shift timings were in sync with the United States. So, as the whole city of Hyderabad starts to go home, at 4 p.m. I start my shift in office.
The only sunrise I ever get to see is if I have to work overtime. I sleep all day, because I work all night.

I can't comment on my social life because I don't have one. Can't remember the last time I had been to anyone's wedding. I see my brother once in a few months. The last time was when he was gifted with a baby girl... the girl is old enough now speak to me on the phone.
I wish I was like Chotu. I wish I could enjoy all the smaller joys in life that my father had. I wish I was.....

I don't think what I wish matters anymore.

-------------

"Here Doctor Saheb", I called out and returned change to this Doctor who spilled coffee on his Shirt at my Shop. I love the way doctors dress. Always in neat formals, and always well groomed.
I see a lot of people at my shop. A few even come in premium cars to have chai here. But I personally respect doctors a lot. They are the only people for whom "Saheb" comes from my heart.

I still remember the doctor who tried to help my dad breathe on his death bed. My dad passed away, but the doctor's effort to try to get him back even in those last few minutes was something I will never forget.

I repent every night on why I dropped out of school. I was in bad company and wasted a lot of years back then. My Dad wanted me to study and become a respectable man. But I ended up as a Chai hawker.

I wish I had studied well... Maybe I could've become a doctor too... I could've been a Nurse at least. They save people's lives and receive a lot of blessings from people. 

I have to start washing these cups, while I notice two white clothed traffic policemen come my way... 
Here go a couple of cups of chai, and a few cigarettes, down the drain of my free country.

Author's note: This short story of mine is an elaboration of a joke I used to crack, to address the stress that has become an essential part of our lives, during the smoking cessation / diabetes awareness seminars I take up as a part of my job. Hope it lets you introspect into the stress you are suffering from, and lead you to manage Stress in a healthy way.

Why Your Husband Can't Quit smoking.....

Why Your Husband Can't Quit smoking.....  and why YOU need to understand how to help him.

Are you wondering why repeated pestering, nagging or emotional blackmail is not successful in making your Husband/friend quit smoking?
Nicotine Addiction is rampant in our country. Tobacco is the most commonly abused substance in India. It is important to understand "why people smoke?" before you ask  "why can't they quit?".

The literature states that addiction to tobacco is easily treatable, as compared to other substances. So most of us presume that failure to quit is only because of lack of will power. This is not entirely true...

Let us have a small overview of tobacco addiction :

Tobacco's main stimulant is Nicotine. It acts on the brain, on the reward pathway of the brain, similar to a lot of other addicting substances. It causes the excitation of certain receptors and leads to the secretion of dopamine. Dopamine then acts to cause the "high" percieved by anyone who smokes.
Nicotine also acts to relax you, through it's effect on muscarinic receptors etc etc, but for now let us look at it's effect on the reward pathway, because this is what makes it addictive.

Remember the "Happy feeling" when you were praised by the teacher for topping your class in school? That was because, your reward pathway in the brain was stimulated.
 It is a god given gift, that makes success very essential for happiness. You CANNOT feel happy when you fail... It just doesn't work that way.
The Reward pathway is responsible for motivating us to earn that "happy feeling". So, you try to work hard to get good grades and feel that way again.
Now imagine that you could feel the same "happy" without having to study hard by just popping in a tablet or taking a shot..... Easy happiness. Isn't it? Nicotine works exactly in this way.

This is what happens to a college student who is introduced to smoking by his friends for the first time.
So, now comes the question "why does he have to increase his number of cigarettes?"

Let us assume that a normal person has 5 receptors which are stimulated by nicotine, which in turn stimulate the release of dopamine. When a person smokes, initially, there are more than five nicotine molecules available, let us say 7 molecules are available.
Eventually, the body realises this and increases the number of nicotine receptors, a phenomenon called as "Up-regulation" of receptors. so, the number of receptors increases to say 10. Now, the same guy who was "high" and relaxed on one cigarette, needs more than one cigarette... or one cigarette more often.

So, the guy increases his consumption to 2 cigarettes... This leads to further up-regulation of receptors, so on and so forth. Usually the receptors increase in number to up to hundreds of times.

So, "Why can't he quit?"
These new receptors (which are in great numbers) , keep pestering the mind to suggest a fresh supply of nicotine periodically, which translates into the smoker's craving for a cigarette. Some smokers who work in "smoke-free" environments like public offices, etc are compelled by the constant push from these receptors , to go out of those places, and smoke.
People do misinterpret these as "lack of will power", and hence he cannot stay away from smoking. What people do not realise is that this person is being driven to smoking by a physiological process which is not under his control. Just like a diabetic, whose sugars are not under his control.
If he cannot have a cigarette at that point of time, then he starts having various withdrawal symptoms such as irritability, hypersomnia (increased sleep), tremors etc.

These receptor don't vanish overnight. Down-regulation of these receptors takes a lot more time. Hence, quitting too can't be done in a day.

The environment matters. Difference between quitting other drugs/alcohol Vs Smoking.
In India, (like many other parts of the world) a lot of environmental conditions are not really conducive for people who wish to quit smoking.
I mean, a heroin addict needs at least a thousand rupees to buy heroin. He also needs a supplier and needs to stay away from the Police.  
An alcohol addict needs at least a hundred rupees and has to go to the liqour store in the area. But for a person who want's to quit smoking, One ALWAYS has five rupees in his pocket, and there is a cigarette outlet/shop every fifty feet or so.
The Government has NO REGULATIONS on the sale of cigarettes, at least none that are properly in effect.
"How to help him quit?"
Statistics show that 90% of all smokers wish to quit every year. But only 15% actually try to quit. Only 3% successfully quit smoking.
It is important to realise that your friend, or your husband, or You need help to quit. Quitting has a higher success rate if a smoker has help.
And you have to bear in mind that quitting smoking is like building Rome. It cannot be done in a day. Quitting cigarettes is a long process.
You must've seen people quit successfully for a few days and then got back to smoking again. You should accept this as a fact that THIS PERSON can quit. He just needs more help.

Will power too is important, not to quit, but to keep trying to quit.

Beginner guitar tabs for Khushi theme music.

This is my first guitar tab post in my blog, in response to a specific request from a cousin who is learning to play the guitar.

There are a few basic rules we must follow to be able to learn playing the guitar properly....

- Practice playing scales until you can effortlessly play them at a good speed.

- Whenever possible, learn from a guitar teacher. You can maybe learn a lot later on by yourselves, but the basics are best learnt when someone else guides you in person.

- Write down the tabs or notes you practice. Maintain a book separately for this reason. Though you look up tabs online, make it a point to write them down on paper.

- Play using as many strings as possible. DO NOT make it a habit to play only on a single string.

- It is OK if the tabs do not sound like they do in the song when you play them for the first time. It takes a lot of practice to achieve accurate timing and pause.

- Keep practicing. Play almost all of the tabs you've learnt at least once a week.

Here are guitar tabs for Khushi theme music for beginners.

Riff #1>
E>-10-11-10-----------------10-11-10---------------
B>---------------11--------------------------11----------
G>-------------------12-11----------------------11-12-
D>---------------------------------------------------------
A>---------------------------------------------------------
e>----------------------------------------------------------

Riff #2>
E>---------------10---------------------------------10-------
B>-12-10-12------13-12-10------12-10-12------13--
G>---------------------------------------------------------------
D>---------------------------------------------------------------
A>---------------------------------------------------------------
e>----------------------------------------------------------------

Riff #3>
E>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
B>----------11-----------11-----------------------11---------11------
G>-10-12------10-12------12-10-----10-12------10-12----12--
D>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
e>----------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you have any doubts regarding playing the guitar, please comment and i will respond.

A day in the city of Sambar...

Seat kosam.... Rank kosam...

సీట్ కోసం , రంక్ కోసం, కేరళ లో చదువు దామని ,

ఫ్రెండ్స్ మాటలు చెవిని పెట్టక , బయలుదేరిన pg వీరుడికి ఎంత కష్టం.... ఎంత కష్టం....

ఆరు నెలలుగా చదువుతున్నా, syllabus కు అంతు తెలియక,

సబ్జెక్టు లో దిక్కు తెలియక, ప్రేపరషన్ పీక మీదకు కత్తి లాగా తన్నుకొస్తే,

వెధవ climate ముంచుకొస్తే, జ్వరం కాస్తే, భయం వేస్తే ...

parboiled రైస్ వల్ల తిన్నదరగక ఎడుపోస్తే....

దారి తెలియని pg వీరుడి కెంత కష్టం.... ఎంత కష్టమం....

ప్రివాటుగా సీట్ కొనడం తన మర్యాద కు తగదు అనుకోని,

ఉద్యోగం చాడువుకేప్పుడు ఆటంకం కాలేదని,

వెర్రి వాగుడు వాగే బంధువులంతా  చావగొట్టగ ,

నచ్చని బ్రాంచ్ లో compromise కు తలను వంచని pg  వీరుదికెంత కష్టం... ఎంత కష్టం...

సూచిక :- నా మిత్రుదోక్కడు pg కోచింగ్ కోసం కేరళ వెళ్ళిన సందర్భముగా సరదాగా, మహాకవి శ్రీ శ్రీ కవిత "బాటసారి" స్పూర్తిగా నేను చేసిన ఈ చిన్న ప్రయత్నం , ఎవ్వరి మనసులు నొప్పించిన, క్షమించా ప్రార్థన.